


Cushions and Coyness.

by NotJustATerran



Series: In which Rudyard Funn and Eric Chapman are dumb and in love. [2]
Category: Wooden Overcoats (Podcast)
Genre: (mainly on Eric's part), Avoiding Feelings, Awkward Conversations, First Kiss, Flirting, Gay Panic, Getting Together, Hugging, Jokes, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Rudyard being a big dumb, Storm mentioned, humour as a self defence mechanism, self hatred, who doesn't care for his body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 20:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19236991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotJustATerran/pseuds/NotJustATerran
Summary: “Wait did you just called me Eric?”Georgie rolled her eyes “I call you Eric all the time.”“Not you … Him.”A flush spread across Rudyard’s face as he attempted to shrug indifferently. “Well yes you scared the life out of me! Thank god we’re in a funeral home because I am now dead! And as I’ve said before Fear makes you do thing you normally wouldn’t.”“Like kiss me?”Eric hadn’t meant to say that … it just slipped out.“You know fine well that was an accident!”“I feel like perhaps this is a private discussion. So, I’ll just go.”Georgie let herself out.





	Cushions and Coyness.

The world was bleak and strange and honestly, Rudyard didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. Everything existed in shades of grey, The sunshine a pale grey, the clouds an off white. Even flowers lost their colour and while Funn funerals normal colour scheme was greys, black, and well more black. Now a days the funeral home was even darker and drearier. Even Chapman's establishment was dulled because of the clouds above Rudyard’s head.

Each breath was exhausting, each movement was like pushing through thick tar. He wondered where Chapman kept his rose-coloured glasses, he’d really like to borrow them.

Speaking of Chapman,

“I’ll go and grab the paperwork …”

Ah yes, the paperwork for Mrs Bellinda Thatchers Funeral, the funeral that was now being transferred to Chapman the bloody git _. Surely it should have been to late to transfer! Mrs Thatcher had specified that her funeral was to be done by them, but_ _could they have this one victory Noooooo! Of course not! Chapman had to storm in and ruined everything!_

Rudyard watched as Eric hesitated by the door of one of his many quaint sitting rooms, a look of concern creasing his forehead and down turning his lips.

 “Have you forgotten where you left it?”

The question seemed to kick-start Eric again and he half turned towards Rudyard with a shrug.

 “No, I just fear what will happen if I leave you alone in here.”

The sitting room was small and while yes it was full of armchairs, it held not much else.

“And pray tell Chapman, What evil could I possible commit in this small sitting room?” Rudyard’s hands clasped behind his back nails digging sharply into his palm.

 “What exactly am I going to do? Hmm? Drink everything you have in that mini bar in the corner? Eat all the tea cakes? Oh, I know! Clearly the minute you leave this room I’m going to rearrange all your decorative cushions!”

Letting out an annoyed huff he threw himself onto the closest armchairs in the room.  Perhaps it was silly of him, but he had thought that after everything that had happened during the storm a few weeks ago Chapman would show more trust in him. Then again why would he? They hadn’t even talked about the accidental kiss yet and Rudyard was beginning to think they never would.

“I understand that you’re joking but please don’t do any of that.” Chapman fail to keep a straight face. As he walked out the door he broke out in a grin.

“Oh no by all means you run along Chapman-” Rudyard shouted after him, his voice carrying down the hallway “-but beware! When you re-enter this room, decorative cushions will have **_moved_**!”

Eric shook his head with a fond smile and continued to his study.

 

Finding the paper work wasn’t hard, he had expected this after all. While Mrs Thatcher had wanted her funeral done with The Funn's none of her family were particularly fond of that idea and so when their lawyer pointed out a miss spelling within the will that could essentially make her wish null and void they leaped at the chance like a pack of starved lions.

Still Eric felt bad, he would never turn a customer away but this time he had been tempted to. After everything that had happened that stormy night Eric really didn’t want to cross Rudyard like that. He felt they had been taking steps in the right direction, for instance now when Rudyard Spotted Eric across the street he didn’t shouts at him or curse his very name. And more often than not Rudyard’s usual ‘Chapman!’  was accompanied by a slight smile instead of a scowl.

So yes, progress was being made. Towards what Eric wasn’t sure but still moving forward was always a good thing … right?

Grabbing the paper work off his desk Eric turned heading back to the Sitting room next the cafe.

Upon re-entering the room Eric noticed three things, Rudyard had managed to knock over a bottle of water he had taken from the minibar, he was attempting to clean it up, and he look rather attractive with his sleeves rolled up.

It was the most skin Eric had ever seen Rudyard show, Pale as ivory and undamaged by the sun. Eric’s own skin was Sun kissed and flushed covered in freckles and nothing like the soft beauty of Rudyard’s.

Glancing up Rudyard spotted Eric loitering by the door. “Well damn … I was hoping to have cleaned this up before you got back but now that you’re here lend me a hand.”

Hearing no reply Rudyard stood and kicked the empty water bottle under the armchair closest to him “Have you zoned out again? Because If I’m being honest it’s really annoying.”

Rudyard’s Suit jacket lay soaking up water on the hardwood floor, it was the only one he had but it could dry out. Only in his waistcoat and shirt the room felt rather cold. Glancing at Eric again Rudyard sighed. Thank god he’d already beckoned Georgie to come help clean up the mess.

And by beckoned he means lent out the window of the sitting room and screamed across the street to get her attention. Honestly, it’s a miracle Chapman didn’t hear him.

Hearing the door to Chapman's open with a little jingle Rudyard shouted, “In here Georgie.” And Turned to the currently vacant body of Chapman with a scowl.

The door to the sitting room swung open and Georgie barrelled through pulling her bright ginger hair into a messy bun in one swift movement “Where’s the mess?”

“Which one?” Rudyard’s hissed and gestured to both Chapman and his now soaked jacket on the floor.

Georgie waved her hands in front of Eric’s face “What happened to him?”

“I have no idea!”

Rolling her eyes Georgie picked up Rudyard’s jacket and hung it out the open window so the sun could help dry it out. She then pulled some paper towel from her backpack and began to clean up Rudyard’s mess.

“Give us a guess Sir.”

Crossing his arms over his chest Rudyard shrugged and glanced back at Eric.

“Well water was spilled! Mess was made! I rolled up my sleeves and started cleaning and when I looked up to ask Chapman for a bit of bloody help! – It was he who made the mess after all such a clumsy fool – he was like this!”

“Seems he’s gone somewhere else.”

Georgie finished cleaning and moved to stand in front of Eric, randomly waving her hands in front of his face as if that was any help at all.

“Yes, but where? Where has he gone Georgie! WHERE?”

“Oft no need to shout!” Eric blinked back to life “Oh Georgie when’d you get here?”

Rudyard jumped about a foot in the air while Georgie simply raised an eyebrow.

“Eric!”

“Hello again Eric.”

Still fuzzy from his spiralling thoughts it took Eric a moment to realise what Rudyard had said.  “Wait did you just called me Eric?”

Georgie rolled her eyes “I call you Eric all the time.”

“Not you … Him.”

A flush spread across Rudyard’s face as he attempted to shrug indifferently. “Well yes you scared the life out of me! Thank god we’re in a funeral home because I am now dead! And as I’ve said before Fear makes you do thing you normally wouldn’t.”

“Like kiss me?”

Eric hadn’t meant to say that … it just slipped out.

“You know fine well that was an accident!”

“I feel like perhaps this is a private discussion. So, I’ll just go.” Georgie let herself out.                                                                                                                        

The room fell quiet as Eric and Rudyard stared at one another.

“Well you brought it up Chapman, so you better make your point, or you might as well leave!”

Rudyard has waited long enough for Eric to talk about this and he’d be damned if he was waiting any longer.

“Leave?” Eric gasped incredulously “I _live_ here!”

“Yes well! You understand my sentiment perfectly well!”

A draft blew in from the still open window and Rudyard turned to check on his suit jacket still waiting for Eric to begin talking. Eric watched as Rudyard felt the cloth with a grimace while muttering a _‘still wet’_ Eric’s eyes widened as he held it up and went to put it on anyway.

“What on earth are you doing Rudyard!” He jumped into action take two steps to clear the room and grabbing hold of Rudyard’s arm “Don’t put that on if it’s still wet! You’ll catch a cold.”

Rudyard stiffened and dropped his jacket to the floor, the aforementioned article of clothing hitting the ground with a wet thud. He stared wide eyes at Eric and then pointedly looked down to where Eric was still gently grasping his forearm. “You’re warm … I mean I’m cold! The cold! I’d catch one anyway without a jacket on I’m bloody freezing!”

“Yes, well just take mine.” Eric let go of Rudyard, shrugged off his coat and draped it over his thin shoulder.

Rudyard’s face grew flushed as he pushed his arms into the jacket to wear it properly … well he was warmer and for quite a few reasons. “It’s massive … and it smells like you.”

“Ah right sorry I don’t have anything smaller or eh less me smelling. I actually don’t own that many jackets.”

“No, no this is fine … very thoughtful of you Eric.” Ah there it was again _Eric_ not Chapman.

_“Eric?”_

Rudyard gasped realising his error “Chapman! I meant Chapman!” In Rudyard’s defence he really didn’t mean to say it, it’s just well he was rather distracted given how close Eric was and how he was towering over him in a way that made Rudyard feel things. Things he’d much rather ignore.

“Listen we can’t keep doing this.” Eric punctuated his statement by leaning past Rudyard and closing the window.

“This?” It was Rudyard’s turn to be confused.

“Agreeing to talk about it and then finding reasons not to.”

Ah it, _The kiss_.

Eric was right this wasn’t the first time they’d attempted to broach the subject and not the first time something else had come up. First it had been the sheer fact that Chapman was so busy organising funerals and Rudyard was so busy trying to get funerals to organise. And then there was the issue with the boat and after that there was the cold Rudyard had developed a few days ago that rendered him unable to speak. Each time resulted in a hilariously awkward half conversation (one of which was entirely one sides on account of Rudyard’s inability to speak.) that never really touched on the subject of the kiss at all. Merely skirted round it.

“Surely we’ll run out of excuses eventually?”

And although Rudyard was the one to say it he wasn’t so sure, he could already think of two reasonable, and four just barely usable excuses to put off the discussion.

“I’m not so sure. I’m rather good at excuses.”

 _Of course he is_ Rudyard growled _He’s good at everything._

“I can think of six.”

“I can think of a good few more than that Rudyard.”

“Alright so I can only think of two really good ones! The rest are weak at best!” Rudyard ignored Eric and barrelled ahead moving past him to lounge on one of the armchairs. “But the two good ones are really good!”

“Alright let’s hear them.” Eric moved to join Rudyard slumping into the chair across from him with a sigh.

“No, you might steal my excuses!”

Eric rolled his eyes with a fond smile, Rudyard often said the most delightfully daft things Eric had ever heard and Christ alive was it endearing.

“Rudyard I’m perfectly capable of thinking of my own excuses to avoid a conversation about an awkward accidental kiss.”

“Right then what’re yours!”

“Now look here Rudyard You said you’ve only got the two! It’d take ages to get through all of my _top-notch_ excuses. So, you might as well go first”

“Aright fine!” Rudyard huffed and turned to better face Eric with a raised brow, “My first excellent reason we should most definitely never speak of what happened is that it was an accident and therefore unimportant.”

“Hold on a minute, weren’t you the one who said we had to talk about it?”

“Well yes but that’s beside the point Chapman!”

“Right right okay … reason two?”

“Excuse number two is that if we do end up having this discussion it may not go the way I want it to … so it’s better that it never happens so my hopes aren’t crushed.”

“I would have thought you’d be used to that by now.”

“Rude!” Rudyard tried to scowl, a soft laugh broke through his lips and he shook his head. The sound made Eric smile “I thought you were meant to be a ‘nice’ guy Chapman.”

“Well yes but it _can_ get very boring being nice _all_ the time.”

“I wouldn’t know I’ve never been nice.”

Rudyard rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and leaned over to Eric gently shoving his shoulder “So?”

“…So?”

“Your excuses?”

Eric noticed how close Rudyard was, and how Eric’s jacket slopped off his shoulder in a way that should have looked ridiculous but was somehow unreasonably attractive and Rudyard’s hand was still on his shoulder.

“I-I … Suddenly I can’t remember any of them.” Eric muttered eyes glancing down to Rudyard’s lips as he bit his own.

“I told you, you didn’t have any good ones.” But there was no fire in Rudyard’s words and when Eric glanced away from his lips and back to his eyes he saw where it had gone.

“Right you are.” The space between them was quickly closing and while Eric knew the smart thing to do would be to actually talk about everything, he could think of a much better use for their mouths.

Rudyard’s breath hitched when their lips met, and Eric had never heard anything so beautiful. He’d always liked Rudyard’s voice, but this was something else. The kiss was soft and vulnerable

And no accident.

“Hmm guess your first excuse no longer applies.” Eric mumbled against Rudyard’s lips.

Rudyard smiled shyly pulling away and resettling in his seat. “Neither does the second I hope.”

“Remind me?”

“That if we had a conversation it wouldn’t go how I wanted it to.”

“And how do you want it to go?” There was a coyness in Eric’s voice that suggested to Rudyard that he already knew.

“I think you can guess.”

Rudyard tugged Eric’s jacket closed and wrapped his arms around himself and Eric couldn’t tell if he was cold or nervous … probably both.  

“Maybe but I don’t want to … I’d like you to say it.”

“Why do you have to make everything so difficult!”

“I told you it’s boring being nice _all_ the time.”

Eric let out a breath and stood gesturing for Rudyard to follow him “I thought the couch would make more sense than the armchairs.”  Sitting on the left he pulled Rudyard down to sit on his right. It felt better than those arm chairs, not as far apart and Eric didn’t have to grasp at excuses to brush his hand against Rudyard.

There was silence then, electric and full of potential.

“ _Please_ Rudyard … I need to hear you say it.”

“I-I …” Sitting rigidly Rudyard faced forward refusing to look at Eric “I don’t want to be your friend Chapman … I’ve never wanted that.”

Eric was tempted to speak but instead let Rudyard continue.

“When you first got here, I _hated_ you, I wanted to _ruin_ you and everything you stood for … and that’s still true.”

Eric frowned slightly _had he misread everything that had happened so far? He thought they were making progress?_

“But the thing is the opposite of love isn’t hate.” Rudyard hummed thoughtfully “It’s apathy and indifference.”

Rudyard’s hand shifted moving of its own accord to rest over Eric’s.

“And I’ve never felt indifferent about you _Chapman_.”

“I always thought I couldn’t feel anything **_but_** hatred towards you.” Rudyard turned to face Eric with a smile “Turns out I have more emotional range than I thought.”

“So … y-you’re saying yo-“ Eric stuttered which was very unlike him and he would deny it ever happened.

“I’m not done.”

“Oh right … sorry.”

“What I’m saying is that I want this.” Rudyard gestured between them “For however long you manage to not be horrified by me.”

Eric flinched “I could never be horrified by you Rudyard Christ what makes you think I could?”

“I’m not exactly a catch Chapman.”

“ _Rudyard_ I wouldn’t kiss you if I didn’t think you were a catch.”

He’d never seen Rudyard so insecure, he was always so over the top with his bravado and self-assurance for Christ sake he always wholeheartedly believed that every scheme would work no matter how crazy.

Thinking back Eric could never remember anyone complimenting Rudyard on anything in fact all he could recall were scathing insults and violence. Now that Eric thought about it he’d never even heard Antigone say a nice word to – or even about – her brother.

“Rudyard I” Eric sighed “I’m so sorry.”

“You are not as awful as everyone says you are, Honestly. Yes, you are stubborn and rush into things, and Yes! A lot of the time things go wrong for you but that not … that’s not the be all and end all of who you are.”

“And who am I Chapman?”

_My boyfriend I hope._

“You’re Rudyard Funn! Undertaker. You’re rash, and sweet in a begrudged sort of way, You’re pretty, and funny, and you’re you.” A breath-taking grin light up Eric’s face and he grabbed Rudyard’s shoulder “That’s the best of it, you’re so unapologetically you it’s a sight to see.”

Just as Eric stopped to take a breath two thin arms were wrapped around his neck and he found himself falling backwards on the couch with a lap full of Rudyard. The position was awkward, Eric’s elbows were digging into Rudyard’s side, their legs were tangled, and Eric couldn’t see past a face full of wild black hair.

“Don’t let this go to your head Chapman, I’m so starved for affection that it was either this or have a breakdown.”

“Well we wouldn’t want that.” Suddenly a thought came to Eric “I thought you said you’d move some cushions.”                                                                                 

Rudyard shrugged “Oh, I did, those two over there, but they’re the same colour so I’m just now realising that it didn’t make a whole lot of difference.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are much appreciated; Validation from total strangers is my life blood.


End file.
